“Why is it that men don’t like shopping?”
Is a question you’ll often hear muted
It’s a source of dismay
to most  woman who’ll say
That to shopping a man isn’t suited

So, why is it that men don’t like shopping?
I’ve a theory that might break new ground
It’s the way we are wired
Men simply get tired
Of mindlessly browsing around

You know it’s a female disease
Still, you go in an effort to please
Forgetting the mystery
Ignoring the history
In a fateful attempt to appease

She’ll have told you she’s after a skirt
Or a frock or a coat or a shirt
Your advice is essential
Your views quintessential
- she says, but you know you’ll get hurt.

Stands to reason she’ll come out on top
As she multi-tasks virtually non stop
And so it would seem
There’s a different regime
For a man when he goes out to shop

So, I’ll tell you what happens with me
When I wake up one morning to see
That I need a new tie
So I’ll go out to buy
A new tie – nothing more, just a tie!

Methodically, I’m straight on the case
First, I’ll decide on a place
Where my visit’s expected
My opinion respected
Where I’m treated with manners and grace

Once there I’ll request a selection
Of ties from their varied collection
He’ll bring me a few
In red, green and blue
Representing a tasteful cross-section

A start point, no more, that will be
for we’ll manfully jostle and spree
In a battle of wills
Full of pitfalls and thrills
As we mutually try to agree

Eventually, maybe after an hour
I’ll exert my customer power
And make a decision
With flair, wit and vision
As I watch my adversary cower

But, he’s happy enough with my choice
As he says in an admiring voice
“Sir has very good taste
nothing good comes in haste”
And we shake hands, smile and rejoice

I’m not tempted to graze or to roam
Or pass by other things or bemoan
That I could have bought more
Whilst in that same store
No – job done, I’m content to go home

And if in a month, maybe two
I discover a hole in my shoe
They’ll be no queries or doubting
I’ll repeat the whole outing
By simply choosing a different venue

Of course, there is one complication
Which causes a deal of frustration
It needs no crystal gazing
For while she is grazing
Often she’ll buy things for me!

“Why can’t a woman” said George Bernand Shaw
be more like a man?” well the man was a bore
There’s no similarity
Let alone parity
When it comes to a shop or a store

© Pip Burley 

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